Friday, July 10th, 2009
Say, friend, are you tired of those pesky Jesusphiles knocking on your door, asking you if you’re ready for the end of the world? Are you just too damned polite (or half asleep) to slam the door in their faces, but you want them to leave with more than your usual mumbled, ‘Sorry, not interested.”? Do you wish they would just never darken your door again?
Well, friend, have I got just the thing for you! Head on over to Stonekettle Station! Jim will set you up with just the perfect thing to get rid of the nosy Jesus freak in your neighborhood!
Me: “End of the World? What are you selling, bomb shelter plans?”
Woman: “Ahh ha ha, bomb shelter pla… No what I’d like…
Me: “Cause I could use me some good underground bomb shelter plans.”
Woman: “No, I…”
Me: “Does your shelter plan have a place to store food and guns? Lots and lots of guns? Because when the Zombie Apocalypse comes you’re going to need lots of guns…big ones. Are you selling guns?”
Woman: “I, uh…zombies?”
That’s right! Stonekettle Station has just the brush-off you’re looking for!
(Easy payment plans for all. Free delivery for residents of Alaska.)
Just remember to make a left at Albuquerque for the best deals in verbally drop kicking your local door-to-door religious nuts – at Stonekettle Station!
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
So. Jerry Falwell is dead.
Huh.
Several of my friends are happy that he is no longer breathing the same air as those of us who don’t have deep, festering, hate-filled wounds where souls usually reside, but I can’t quite bring myself to join in their rejoicing. Death has always made me a little sad, no matter who it is. I can’t help it. And, oddly enough, that’s the case here.
I didn’t like Falwell at all. Many’s the time I’ve fleetingly considered serious violence on him and his ilk for such bigoted, hateful spew. I agree that he was a waste of skin. But death? Can’t go there. Just not who I am, I guess.
Oh well.
However, I do NOT wish that he would RIP. There should be no peace in Hell for the likes of him. If there is a Satan and he sent people to this earth to foment unrest and suffering, it’s obvious that Falwell and friends were amongst those sent. He’s just going back to where he was spawned.
SIH, Falwell.
Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
Today is Noodlefest in Missouri and there’s no way I can get there to attend it.
Anyone going there, worship His Noodly Appendage on my behalf, mm’k?
*sigh*
UPDATE: I still can’t go, but I have found the perfect iBook accessory, as soon as I get my iBook:
It can be found at GelaSkins, which has all sorts of cool Apple skins.
